Why we put off therapy (and what helps us finally start).
Therapy is rarely the first thing couples try. Most arrive after a year — sometimes years — of waiting. Here's what we hear about the wait, and what we've seen actually move couples off the fence.
Pasadena Clinical Group · 6-minute read
The five things we hear about the wait
The reasons couples give for putting off therapy are reasonable. They are also, almost universally, the same five reasons. Naming them tends to help.
1. "We can probably figure this out ourselves." Most couples can figure out a lot of things themselves. The patterns that bring couples to therapy — repeating arguments, growing distance, drift — are usually the ones that don't resolve on their own. The thing the couple is "trying" is usually a version of the same thing that's not been working. Therapy adds a third perspective and a structure for the conversation.
2. "It feels too dramatic." The cultural script for couples therapy is "last resort." Real research disagrees. The couples who get the most out of therapy are usually the ones who came earlier, when the patterns were softer and the resentment thinner. Going to therapy is not an admission that the relationship is in crisis. It's a way to keep it from getting there.
3. "What if my partner won't come?" About a third of the couples we see started with one partner alone. The reluctant partner usually comes in within 1–2 sessions, once they see what the conversation actually looks like. We can also recommend Discernment Counseling, designed for situations where one partner is leaning out.
4. "It's expensive." Couples therapy in LA runs $200–$350 per session for a licensed clinician. That's real money. There are honest options for lower cost — sliding scale, doctoral practicum, community clinics. See our insurance page for the full picture, and our contact page for sliding-scale inquiries.
5. "We're embarrassed." Mostly: that we let it get this far. That our families would be disappointed. That our partner would be disappointed. The room is private under HIPAA and California's stricter CMIA. We are not in your families' WhatsApp groups. The work is between the three people in the room.
What gets couples off the fence
From years of intake conversations, three things consistently move couples to start.
An outside event. A friend's divorce. A health scare. A child's behavior shift that traces back to the household tension. The event is rarely the reason — it's the prompt. The reasons were already there.
One partner shifting first. Often one of you reads about therapy, talks to a friend, or starts individual work. The shift in one partner changes the system. The other partner sometimes comes in willingly within months.
The "we keep having the same conversation" moment. The same fight at 10pm Tuesday. The same cycle of distance and reach. The recognition that this is now a pattern, not an accident. That recognition is usually when couples finally pick up the phone.
What actually starts
Reaching out. That's the first step. A short form, an email, a phone call. Our healthcare coordinator gets back the same day on weekdays. The first session is conversational, not a deep dive — see what actually happens in your first session for what to expect.
Most couples report, within a session or two, that they wished they'd come sooner. The reasons for waiting were real. The reasons for starting are usually realer.